I am completely excited about it. It sort of feels like this culmination of all my years at the same company…like I was spending this time so I could be prepared for this next amazing experience.
I have worked at the same software company for 9 years this June. I am only 32. That is a long time at one place. I am planning on staying working there while I go to school. At this point with Nadie being out of work it isn’t really an option to go to school full-time.
I know many may think I am insane, attempting this beginning when my second child is 3 months old and my first is not even two.
I know there will be sacrifices.
I ask not for judgement. I think we each have our own path. I think valuing education and making sacrifices for our family will set an example for my children. I know it is not the same as having a SAHM – but I am not a SAHM. I am working full-time now and will continue to be full-time into many things. My goal is not to take the time away from the kids. My goal is to better use the other time that I have. I don’t want to watch as much tv. I will post less on facebook. I will be more involved in all that we do. All of my life I have excelled more when I was more involved. I need to be more involved in things. Plus – I will never achieve my goal of becoming a PHd and maybe professor without starting school again.

In my application I had to write a personal statement. While I won’t bore you with the boring details of the various positions I have had during my career so far, I would like to post a portion of what I said….

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A watershed event sets a new course. I experienced one of these events last year when I became a mother. Prior to that I had been going along without much direction but to do my best at my job, cherish my family, and try to be a good person. The birth of my daughter caused me to really step back and assess my goals in life. She reminded me that every day is important, and that there is no time to waste. The creation of life and watching hers unfold each day reminded me that I too am unfolding, and I am a force of creation. All things are possible if I just choose to take part.
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Another interesting turn of events is that I not only got accepted, but was offered a partial financial support. This financial support would require 10 hours of work throughout the week. It would also mean that I would probably have to take at least 2 classes next fall. My plan before was to take just one. I think I need to talk to the department before I accept it. I also need to talk to my boss. Perhaps we can work out a flex plan for my work schedule to accommodate – at least try it for a few months to see if it works. Also, with Nadie being out of work, I can’t really plan on not working full-time because we need the money to keep our house going, so I may not be able to accept it. I hope that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be considered for future support.

In other news, I started a new blog. I plan on posting more technology and data visualization related projects at technowonderful…I will still post here. I am just segmenting out work/school related items from this personal/family related stuff.

I hope all is well around the interwebs with you.
Here is your moment of Zen…..

Now I hear the little stinker waking up from her nap. Time for lunch and a walk to the playground!

The Zerker zombie-walked through the halls of Providence Center. She was so good the entire day, from church in the morning to the car ride back home. Ever since we switched to the forward facing car seat her time in the car is greatly improved. Thank heavens!
She is such a good little kid. It almost makes me worry that Charlie will be a bit of a handful!

Love to all….

PS Click on the picture for a funny treat…I couldn’t get it to animate in the post itself!

Personally – this is how we feel about the Super Bowl at our house….

Oh – losing to the Saints is better than loosing to the Patriots…but that is like saying losing your pinkie is better than losing your thumb…I don’t want to lose ANY APPENDAGES and we never want to lose a SUPER BOWL!!!!

Ok, off to throw my own little pity party and be depressed for the off season…..

I think about faith and religion and souls and paths and where things will head and what it all means on a constant basis.
Sometimes I just have to shut it off because I AM NOT GOING TO GET THE ANSWER TODAY.
Its sort of like that Ani song ‘What if no ones watching’….it spooks me, and then I realize it doesn’t matter….
But then there are the days when I have a real crisis of doubt – the last time I wigged myself out I remember the homily at the next day in church seemed to speak to me directly – calming my fears.
And then I read this article by fellow Providence Associate, Brother Barry. It reminds me that my doubt is a blessing, that it increases my faith and keeps it on its toes.
And then I stumbled on this lecture by Richard Feynman (probably the most brilliant scientist ever – Nadie has a man crush on him)….
I think it is interesting that both a man of god and a man of science came to the same answer…living with doubt is better than having all the answers…and especially better than assuming incorrect answers….
signing off to watch further collisions…..

It was lovely.

I can’t believe its been a whole year. It seems like she was just an itty bitty baby yesterday, then again it is like she has always been here.
She has been getting really good at walking around. By her birthday she was doing the zombie walk for a few steps. Then she decided at her party that she was going to show off and walk across the room.
Of course, there is a video for this first amazing year….

I love my little girl.
She is braver every day. Climbing up chairs, falling off of beds, learning how to get down on her own. She had her yearly check up. She is growing right on schedule. She is napping every day. (I think that will change when she goes back to daycare.) She is drinking whole milk. She eats everything you give her, and of course trys to eat things you don’t give her. (She doesn’t understand that boardbooks are for literary consumption, NOT human consumption!!!)
She absolutely adores the dogs. She is amazed at the cats. She talks to them. Doodas and Kittehs. She pretends to read herself books. She got her first pair of Stride Rite shoes. She is finally being cooperative when we change her diapers. She loves toast.
It is hard to believe it can get any better than this….I am sure Charlie will have something to do with me eating those words….I am so blessed.

This year has been full of wonder and awe. I don’t think I can do this year justice with a simple re-cap. I will begin working on the Zerker’s Year in Review next week, and I think that will be a better place to really look at all that has happened with the little girl. Yet, I will say that the first half of carrying Charlie have been cherished, even when the Zerker is bouncing on by belly, biting my arm, or pulling my hair. And I feel more connected to what I do for a living than ever before….All of these things are blessings.

I took the GRE this week. I actually didn’t do that bad for only practicing for a few hours the night before. I think I did well enough to get accepted.

Happy New Year to everyone out there!

And the little parasite floating in my belly is sporting a twig and berries!
We are ecstatic.
For some reason, I just had this feeling that the little blobber was a boy. I always referred to him as a he, and I even told Nadie on the way to the US that I didn’t know how I would react if it was a girl – it just didn’t seem right to me.
So here is the little tyke:

We do have the name picked out, and you can guess from the title what the first name is. I will keep the middle name a secret for his birth. It has to do with a very amazing, saintly person.

I still feel huge. The other day at choir practice a woman asked me when I was due. I said May, and she was obviously confused…I think she was expecting February or March. The doc says that I am on schedule and there is nothing to worry about. It is funny to see people’s faces. I might post a belly pic, maybe, but I will just feel even huuuuger…..

In other news, I have to take the GRE next tuesday. I am not looking forward to it. I took it just out of college and did fine. Of course, now they expect it to be a more recent score. I am applying for a master’s program in the fall, and before you can say ‘Crazy!’ I will say that I plan on starting slow with it – one class a semester. I just want to get started so I don’t put it off any longer. Maybe eventually I will get my PHd, but for now I am focusing on a Masters in Informatics (Human Computer Interaction).

The Zerker is getting a mind of her own. Teach the kid to say ‘Baba’ and she starts firing out orders when she wants some food! LOL Also, she is just starting to get interested in baby shows like Sesame street. It is cute to watch her follow along and get excited. She is still not walking, but she is so close. Her new favorite thing is to sit on Papaws lap and play tickle. Mom said that after he was done playing with her she was in the playpen going .oooooooooooooh tickle! and tickling herself. HOW.CUTE!

I am excited to see her on Christmas morning. This is her big present:

I figured it was small enough not to clutter the house, but a good start to an activity table concept.
She has other gifts, but I know she really will have no idea what is going on, and will probably like the wrapping paper better than the toys.

We are off to my Brothers for the annual Christmas Eve Party tomorrow. The Zerker LOVES spending time with her cousins. I am singing with the Choir on Christmas morning and then our little family will spend a quiet day at home.

Merry Christmas to you and yours or whatever holiday or happy day you celebrate!

That is how it has been with Nadie and his job for this past year. I was always worried he would be calling me to say he was let go. I got the call yesterday.

There are good things about it. I hated seeing him go to work every day when he obviously hated his job. There were a lot of days of walking on egg shells regarding making plans and whether he would have a job. There is something to be said about it just being over with and moving on to something better.

And I know we can make it for a little while at our current place with my income and our savings. I am actually glad that he will be there to stay with the Zerker for a while. And he needs a break. He needs some time to get back into what he really wants to do, rather than just maintaining status quo. We both agree that we don’t want him to just take any job right away, even if it is not a right fit, just to get a job. That will only lead to the same things that have played out over the past few years with his former position.

If we could tweak our lifestyle here and there (which will obviously happen since we lost an income) he might be able to be a stay-at-home-dad for a while. I don’t know what he wants. I think we will just take one day at a time. It so hard to see the person you love struggling. I want him to find the right path, to give him more confidence, and let him shine.

I trust in Providence. It has been the only thing to get me through the entire year of worry. It has been my constant response to Nadie, whenever he expressed his fears of the inevitable. And it will not fail us. No matter what, what really matters is that we are together. We can live with family members if necessary. I don’t think we will. But, if for some reason it came to that, we could do it and we would be ok. There would be good things about it.

I am going to try and get my next appt and Ultrasound moved up a week so that it will occur before the insurance is terminated. We will go on Cobra, but I am sure it will be messy, and I want to make sure that Ultrasound happens. I could go on my work insurance, I know, but the coverage is horrible. In the long run it will save us money paying the Cobra coverage for as long as it is available so we can have that coverage when we have the blobbles. I think they will be ok with me coming in at 19 weeks instead of 20. I hope so. I can see them having an issue because I was just there at 17 weeks. (That appt went great, by the way….)

So here is to new beginnings, and facing fears.