I took some pictures of the Zerker in her first Blue Gingham Jumper. It is actually way too big on her, but I could’t resist…
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| From 2 Months |
She is two months tomorrow…here is a little video to celebrate…
Zerker just got her two month shots. Of course, I hated seeing her in pain, but I told her it was for her own good and that she wouldn’t remember it. She screamed like a banshee. Her face was so sad! She seemed surprised that anyone would ever hurt her and wondering what she could have done to deserve such horrible treatment!
The doc said it would have been fine to give her Tylenol before the shot. I didn’t before we left because I figured I should wait to see how she reacts. So the nurse gave me some sample Tylenol and we gave her about 20 minutes before the shots. It didn’t make it any easier, but perhaps it made it easier after we got to the car. She seemed sort of like a zombie and I was frightened that my grinning Zerker was gone!
She is pretty much in the 50th percentile on everything. She weighed in at 10 pounds 12 ounces and 23 inches. So she has gained 3 lbs 13 ozs and 4 inches in two months. A healthy baby girl….sigh of relief…
She smiles all the time and there is just the beginning of laughter…we won’t call it the real thing until we hear her rip a whole round of giggles. 
Once she got home she did seem in better spirits….
(Hard to resist, right? Sometimes I have to just pause for a moment to realize how freaking beautiful she is, just take every sip of her in…and that came from me and nadie??? Crazy!)
She is sleeping right now, and when she wakes I am going to give her another round of Tylenol. She can’t tell me if she is feeling blah, and I would rather err on the side of caution.
I know there are parents out there against immunizations. Personally, I would never live with myself if Zerker got sick from something that was preventable. I do not believe that random the studies you read saying that they are harmful are correct. I have read studies using ‘online surveys’ to gather their information and then posting on supposedly reputable sites. I will not be responsible for allowing polio to resurge in our country. I think refraining from vaccinating your kid is somewhat irresponsible, not only to your child’s safety – but to the rest of the people around you. I do understand being hesitant and wanting to make sure you do what is best for your kid, but it is so easy to jump to incorrect conclusions. Anyways, it is just an opinion, and I don’t care to judge anyone.
Have a good weekend, my internet friends. I am hoping to get some outdoor time with Nadie, the Zerker and the dogs tomorrow since it will be in the 70s. She has never been out longer than to get to the car and back and the dogs are in desperate need of some running time. WOOT WOOT
And I am sure I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed on sunday morning when the Zerker wakes at 4am instead of 5am because we have to spring the clock forward. Ugh…
I went back to work on Monday.
The Zerker is being cared for three days a week by a friend (T).
I will work from home the other two days. I am sure that will take some figuring out, but I do feel blessed to be able to do it, for a while at least.
During her first week I went to visit a day care and see if we were interested in taking her there. We decided home care was best, plus T is a super mommy and I know she will treat Zerker like her own.
That first week I came home sobbing thinking of someone else watching my baby. And, while I love her so much I want her around every minute, I also know that we can’t do that right now. So going back at 6 weeks is not the worst thing in the world.
I have been going a little crazy the past few weeks, and I think going back to work will help distract me from that. I think if I had planned on staying home fulltime for a longer period of time I would have been able to get involved in more things (especially after the six week mark) like mommy – baby gym stuff or volunteering or all of the other cool stuff that mommies and babies do, but since I knew I had to go back to work I couldn’t get involved in all that stuff. So these weeks have been fabulous for the Zerker and I getting to know each other, but I have sort of lost my normal get up and go type of personality and I need to get off of the couch.
Having such a short amount of time at home has made it seem like this week was when our real day to day life begins. This is the life we have been waiting for.
And I sort of feel like I am setting an example for the Zerker (although I know she is too young) to show that you can find some balance, bring home the bacon and fry it too or something like that. Please note that I am not dissing SAHMs at ALL. Becoming a mother to the zerker and staying home these weeks has only increased by admiration for SAHMs of the world.
If I waited longer then it would probably be harder on both of us, especially the Zerker. Going now gives her a chance to get used to T and not having me there 24-7from an early age.
I figured I would be a mess all day on monday (the longest I had ever been away from her was about an hour), but really, I wasn’t. My boss is super cool and wants to ease me back into my work (actually he wants me to transition to something else which is freaking awesome) so I am not overly stressed this week and next at work. For the first time in a long time when I was going home I was excited (sort of like waiting to check and see what Santa brought you or what was in your easter basket or whether you got the part in the play or made the dance team)…driving home I didn’t drive too fast, but I wanted too…I wanted to race to Ts and give the Zerker a big hug.
ANd when I got home monday night I just kept her with me nursing for hours until I started to fall asleep. I didn’t want to even let DH nuzzle her. I will get over that! I didn’t realize how tired I was until DH was tired too and it was too late…so I do have to pace myself.
Today I work from home. Since I am pacing getting back into things there isn’t a whole lot to do, so I was able to take a nap with Z (really needed it) and give her a bath (she hates it – i had to nurse her a bit just to calm her down after that…). I have a playmat here in the office along with her carrier and a bouncer. Right now though she is in my er.go.baby.carrier…. (Did I tell you friends that I got one???I love it!)She was nursing while I was working at first, but I didn’t like how her head was and she was falling asleep anyways so she is just snuggled up to my belly/chest while I type/work away.
She is starting to wake up…so more to come!
I have been writing this post since Monday….one would think that being at home all the time I have plenty of time to blog. I don’t really feel like I have much time. When I do get a break I feel like I should be doing other things like eating or showering.
Over a month has passed since the Zerker entered our lives.
I am sort of getting used to being a mommy, but it is also sinking in…Oh my! I am a Mom! I get scared that I am doing something wrong or that something will happen to her. It is a lot of responsibility.
I hate that it is RSV season. I am constantly in fear that the normal baby boogers and weird way infants breathe are signs of a cold. I worry that I am not taking her temp correctly. Worry worry worry….I figured I would be worried about her forever, and I was right.
Before she falls into a deep sleep she sometimes does this weird whimper while sleeping. It reminds me of when my dog has dreams in his sleep. Is that normal? (The baby whimper, not the dog dreams…) I worry that she has apnea or something. She is probably fine. I just sit around her while she sleeps and make sure she is breathing 20 times a night.
I started to say ‘We’ turned a new corner, but to be honest the Zerker turned the corner on her own. On Saturday she went to sleep at 8:30. At 12:30am I woke her up, fed and changed her, and put her back to sleep. She did it with no problem. She slept well until 4:00am and then I fed her, changed her and put her back to sleep. (She is sleeping in her carrier, but on her own!) she wasn’t asleep but she put herself to sleep without a big fuss. Since then every night she has slept a little longer so that now she is just waking up once in the night at about 3am. And when she does wake up, I feed her and change her and then she goes right back to sleep. It is wonderful. She is wonderful. I am proud of her. She didn’t even know that is what I needed…I guess she is growing up! Oh no!
I have one more week before I go back to work three days a week. We’ll see how it goes. I am nervous. I know it will be tough at first, but I also know it is necessary.
Her personality comes out more and more every day. She seemed to enjoy me singing the song ‘Baby face’ to her today. Funny…that was the first song I ever performed at a show when I was three.
I worry how this little wonder will affect my relationship with DH. I get so uptight. I act like a byotch one minute and then apologize the next. I guess I will get the hang of it and will be able to handle it all without taking anything out on him. It isn’t like he is doing anything wrong, if anything he is doing awesome. It is really tough. I am not quite sure how my parents managed nine kids.
I feel like my insecurities are very heightened these days. I revolve between being overly sensitive and totally over anything that is thrown at me. I don’t want to come off as too needy, but I also want to be given a little extra love. I think this week was a little better. Last week I only left the house once for about thirty minutes. I think that caused a little bit more of the crazies. This week the Zerker and I took the ergo baby carrier and went to old navy one day and to the grocery another day, plus I had a doctor’s appointment another day. Today I was so proud of myself because I managed to finally pick up all of my clothes off of the floor of my closet, organize, put away and wash the pieces that needed it. I was probably a little too proud, DH didn’t seem to think it was as impressive as I did. Of course, he didn’t see the hours of tending to the Zerker, letting her cry a bit here and there and getting her calmed enough to chill in a bouncer or take a nap to finish. Also I did the dishes, so I think that I accomplished huge amounts.
OK this post is long and winding. Sorry. (There I go again!)
Today the Zerker is christened. My brother is in town from DC to be the God Father. (He is actually my godfather too!) And, my sister will be the god mother.
I am not going to tell you that these days are easy…:) Ugh! Sometimes I am pushed to the point of frustration, but it only seems to happen between 3 and 4am, other than that I am cool. It is also a tough time for DH – who really has no previous experience with babies – and doesn’t quite understand that it is normal to not always know what she wants and to not always be able to get her to sleep at 4am right away.
She turned three weeks yesterday! She was pronounced healthy at her doc appt on Thursday, where she weighed 7lbs 14 ozs (almost a pound up from her birth weight).
I do feel like she and I are bonding more every day. I swear she would talk to me if she could, her eyes just look like they are trying to tell me something. My milk does not seem to be doing that well despite fenugreek and attempting to pump. I know I don’t pump as often as I should – it is really hard to find the time after supplementing and trying to get her back to sleep or not crying. She is not one of those perfectly content babies that never cries. Sometimes she is quiet and attentive and looking back with that soulful expression. And I DO think she smiles sometimes. I don’t care if other people call it gas…
Everyday that goes by I get closer to going back to work. Ugh. Trying not to think about it….
I did get a bonus this week from work! Woo hoo! It meant that DH agreed that I could order the er.go.baby.car.rier! Yay! We have been waiting and trying to save as much as possible in this economic climate.
In honor of the Zerker’s baptism – some talking heads…
This post is sort of long…sorry. I started it a few days ago and it seems to have a mind of its own….
Things are going well. I am very tired, as you might have noticed in that last post.
I (and the Lactation Consultant) think I have low supply.
Zoe has been doing marathon nursing sessions this week. I just can’t seem to satiate her. Most likely because Strike 1 PCOS, Strike 2 Nipple shield, Strike 3 C-Section.
By marathon I mean that she would be feeding for an hour, sometimes and hour and a half. And then it would seem like within the hour she would want more food. I was having trouble finding time and energy to pump on that schedule. I know it is pretty normal for a newborn to be cyclical…eat, poop, sleep, eat poop, sleep…wash, rinse, repeat…but this week she was more like eeeeeaaaaaat, poop, sleep, eeeeeaaat, poop, sleep….
I went to the LC today. She helped me with better latching technique. Hopefully I can wean the nipple shield at least on one side. I was able to latch without it when I came home. I am not totally against the nipple shield forever (I like saying ‘Activate the Lactaction Shields’ when I use it) …just willing to try anything to get her more food.
She IS getting enough though. She weighed in at 7lbs7ozs. She has gained a half pound over her birth weight in two weeks. Yay! That makes me happy.
Yesterday I ventured out into the world for something other than a doctors appointment. I went to my sister’s for a short visit (where I proceeded to leave my lump sum short term disability check and not realize it was gone until today – can we say ‘too tired to think straight??’) and then to visit my co-workers. The Zerker was perfect at work – sleeping the whole time. On the way home I got seriously concerned that I was way too tired to be driving. I made it home ok, but I really need to get better at gauging it. I am not used to these hours or the breastfeeding and I guess I don’t realize the toll that it takes on me until it just hits me and I can’t do anymore. Needless to say when we got home and I fed her again I went to sleep and then slept for more hours later when DH got home. We have begun using the supplementer to finger feed her so that she can still suck but not get over fed. DH can do that, and it gives him a chance to get involved.
This morning I felt completely refreshed because I did get several hours of sleep.
I went to the LC today. After a normal feeding session timeframe Zerker had only recieved about an ounce of milk. She has advised the following process: nurse on both sides for up to 15 minutes each, then supplement with an extra ounce by finger feeding and then pump for fifteen minutes…sounds familiar…nurse, supplement, pump…wash, rinse, repeat…I am also supposed to start taking fenu.greek and ask my ob for a rx of reg.lan.
She doesn’t take the bottle nipple well at all. It comes out too fast, then she spits it all back up. In two weeks I will work toward getting her to take a bottle better. I didn’t even know there were such things as ‘slow flow’ or ‘medium flow’ or ‘fast flow’ bottle nipples. It isn’t something people discuss, they should make onesies that say ‘I like fast nipples’ on them.
I am so glad it is the weekend. DH is home. I have missed him a lot. I am pretty sure I could never be a housewife. It just isn’t my game. I don’t think I would be a very good housewife/SAHM housekeeping wise either. Of course, when you spend every other hour nursing and the other hours changing diapers and such, you can’t get much else done. Also, just miss the company of my DH.
These weeks are flying by. I wish time could slow down. It is wonderful to have her here every day. I know this post sounds like whining. I promise I don’t mind any of these problems. I don’t mind the no sleeping. Every coo, and every cry is totally worth it. If time would slow down then my bits and pieces of sleep would last longer too!
I mean how could you not just love this person?
Even if sometimes she is this person:
And sort of turns me into this person:
If breastfeeding or boob talk bothers you – then do not read this post. Personally I am beginning to think that breastfeeding is one of the most amazing and natural things on the planet!
So the first week is over. It went pretty well. I think we are handling being newbie parents really well. The nipple shields are helping out tremendously and I am now the proud owner of a Med.ela Pum.p N St.yle. So I am totally styling with these big suction cups attached to my breasts a few times a day.
Zoe had a doctor appt on Thursday. I guess they have breastfeeding babies go in during the first week to monitor their weight. You know what the amazing thing was??? From tuesday to thursday she gained 5.5 ounces! Now that is what I call Nipple Shield Magic!
Pumping is going ok. I don’t seem to get more than an ounce at a time with the pump. I am not sure how long I am actually supposed to pump? I figure the amount will increase as my supply increases. Should I be worried? I am going to see the LC again this coming week, so hopefully I will be a bit more confident.
I am not worried about Zoe just yet though. There seems to be plenty of supply when she is nursing. If anything she doesn’t take in the whole breast supply at the time (not that a breast can ever be empty). I have taken to just giving her one breast at a time because it seems to satisfy her and then from what I have read she gets more ‘hind milk’.
I am now the owner of squirting boobs in the morning. Zoe eats about every two to three hours throughout the day. I am not one to set a schedule, I just sort of take her cues. There are times when I have tried to keep her up or I woke her up because I wanted to feed her later or felt like she needed to eat (or my breasts told me she needed to eat). It doesn’t really work that well anyways – I mean she is always up for eating at first, but if she isn’t hungry she eventually just stops suckling and just snuggles…and if she is tired she is going to sleep whether I try to keep her up or not – she will just be more grouchy on the way.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got the Nikon. It is amazing! I almost feel like I won’t need to get formal pictures taken – because I can do the settings myself – it is SOOO COOL. I might invest in another flash for it, but I need to research it first. Speaking of the Nikon – I did a little photog session yesterday and this result (I used the ‘old movie’ feature in Mo.vie.Mak.er – the pictures are actually much crisper than what you see)…
So I think I mentioned back when we were getting the nursery ready that instead of buying a crib set we were having a quilt made out of mary engelbreit fabric. I had been searching Etsy for different quilts and then decided that it would be better to have one made. Then of my co-workers suggested another person we will call her Maria…Maria is a friend and retired former co-worker. She totally was up for making the quilt for us. She took the ME fabric, she and I shopped for the rest of the fabric and the backing and she did all the hard work. I have never quilted in my life. She is awesome at it. She made the quilt as a gift for Zoe. Isn’t that great? I have found in the past week that the blankets that were made for her are so EXTRA Special. Another co-worker crocheted a blanket for her and one of my aunts made her a blanket too. They are snuggly and cute. I wish I had the patience to make those wonderful things! Guess what came in the mail today? Zoe’s Quilt! Here are some pictures of the quilt.
I have another post brewing about my personal highlights so far.
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