I lost my wedding band this weekend. I had (carelessly) put it in my pocket because I was taking them to finally get them fixed. I haven’t been wearing them since the summer because the prongs need adjusted or the stone be lost.
It is just a symbol. I know that. Yet, it has emotional significance to me. It was slipped on my finger the day that my husband and I promised to take care of each other, for better or worse. When I realized it was gone there was a tangible feeling of loss and insecurity to me.
I love my family, and the years of growing and changing together with my husband I can honestly say have been totally worth all of the years before that I spent learning about different things and wondering what my life would be like ‘when I grew up.’
Oh, I have my days. Being a grown up is a bitch. When I was little I mostly thought that growing up meant I could decide my own bedtime. Now I know it is all about responsiblity. If I could stay up late all the time, that would be awesome, but now I am usually looking forward to sleeping. Being a responsible adult feels like weaving through some scavenger hunt that takes you through tax collectors, insurance companies, washers that break down, finding and maintaining healthy relationships with your family – co-workers – daycare providers – neighbors- etc and trying not to mess up too much.
It is learning to be a juggling act and making sure you don’t drop the ball too many times. Or at least being careful enough to know that the balls that drop aren’t eggs that will break.
It isn’t all bad. Zoe’s new favorite word is Mommy. I love the feel of her little arms wrapped around my neck, knowing that we have a connection that will only grow. Tonight I started teaching her solfège (do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do). She is picking up letters and numbers so quickly that I know she will love learning about music.
So I lost my ring. And then I needed to run an errand, so I drove to a place that I thought it might be. I parked in the store parking lot near where I was before. I walked around scouring the area.
I don’t think it was time for that ring to be gone from my finger. I found it on the ground where it had fallen. Now it is safe and secure on my hand and I have a greater sense of hope.
Here are my salient design points about this post:
- Isn’t it funny how emotional connections make objects much more significant to you than their actual value? No replacement would have meant the same for my wedding band.
- I can’t believe how many processes need to be made better through computer imagination – even in this day and age. Being an ‘adult’ would be less stressful (maybe?) if there were better tools. I want to help design them!