I lost my wedding band this weekend. I had (carelessly) put it in my pocket because I was taking them to finally get them fixed. I haven’t been wearing them since the summer because the prongs need adjusted or the stone be lost.

It is just a symbol. I know that. Yet, it has emotional significance to me. It was slipped on my finger the day that my husband and I promised to take care of each other, for better or worse. When I realized it was gone there was a tangible feeling of loss and insecurity to me.

I love my family, and the years of growing and changing together with my husband I can honestly say have been totally worth all of the years before that I spent learning about different things and wondering what my life would be like ‘when I grew up.’

Oh, I have my days. Being a grown up is a bitch. When I was little I mostly thought that growing up meant I could decide my own bedtime. Now I know it is all about responsiblity. If I could stay up late all the time, that would be awesome, but now I am usually looking forward to sleeping. Being a responsible adult feels like weaving through some scavenger hunt that takes you through tax collectors, insurance companies, washers that break down, finding and maintaining healthy relationships with your family – co-workers – daycare providers – neighbors- etc and trying not to mess up too much.

It is learning to be a juggling act and making sure you don’t drop the ball too many times. Or at least being careful enough to know that the balls that drop aren’t eggs that will break.

It isn’t all bad. Zoe’s new favorite word is Mommy. I love the feel of her little arms wrapped around my neck, knowing that we have a connection that will only grow. Tonight I started teaching her solfège (do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do). She is picking up letters and numbers so quickly that I know she will love learning about music.

So I lost my ring. And then I needed to run an errand, so I drove to a place that I thought it might be. I parked in the store parking lot near where I was before. I walked around scouring the area.

I don’t think it was time for that ring to be gone from my finger. I found it on the ground where it had fallen. Now it is safe and secure on my hand and I have a greater sense of hope.

Here are my salient design points about this post:

• Isn’t it funny how emotional connections make objects much more significant to you than their actual value? No replacement would have meant the same for my wedding band.
• I can’t believe how many processes need to be made better through computer imagination – even in this day and age. Being an ‘adult’ would be less stressful (maybe?) if there were better tools. I want to help design them!

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll.
No longer riding on the merry-go-round.
I just had to let it go.

- John Lennon

I think Marty was right about getting into a rhythm of sorts in the semester. And definitely right about needing a LOT of zen in this class. At first it was like I was on a merry go round, and I was getting dizzy. I think I would have gotten ill from motion sickness if I couldn’t just let go, hence my homage to Mr. Lennon.

While the previous we have had some ups and downs in our home, this weekend and last week seemed smooth and god forbid, actually fun. Well besides the worry that my kidlet is going to stick a pea in her ear.

One reflection from Project 3 that I wanted to share. I felt that our team worked great when we were all face to face. We did well at reasoning out situations and treating each other with respect and really working together. But one thing I have noticed on these projects on the whole is the lack of consistent communication and teamwork outside of the group meeting scenario. I don’t mean that we are working against each other at all, but it seems like a lot of people need someone in their face to be able to critique and provide feedback on work.

In my experience, the virtual environment is becoming the status quo. Most of the work you do for clients ends up being explained and modified via web meetings and conference calls. Money for travel and face to face meetings is kept to a minimal. For these reasons, it is important to be able communicate via emails or documents. Critiquing and providing feedback via email or tracking changes as necessary.

Even in this class it is important to me, because when I take a particular part of the project to do grunt work I would never want to assume that I am then completely responsible for that work – I am merely pulling it together and asking people to take it, change it and make it better. When I have done those exercises so far, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of feedback until we meet face to face. With such little time for these projects that is really a waste of group time, since we should be ready to make decisions about the pieces and move on to the next phase.

Maybe other groups haven’t had this problem, but I thought I would just throw it out there.

I am excited to move on to the next project. This class has been refreshing in the mere fact that I get to work on things out side of my normal scope of travel technology. It is a welcome change.

‘Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind,
to withstand the world that’s what it takes,
All that steel and stone is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn’t bend breaks
what doesn’t bend breaks’

-Ani Difranco

There is a lot of talk about this program breaking us. It sort of reminds me of soldiers going to bootcamp. I hope that it breaks me of some things…opens me up to opportunities of more thoughtful and creative ways of doing things.

Still, there are some parts of my life that pretty much can’t break. My kids need me. I have to keep my job. My husband is my partner, not my assistant…etc etc

The class has been great so far, but it is REALLY hard to manage the meetings and the class and the work with my family and job. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I was taking more than one class. I am doing the best that I can to make sure this class doesn’t break the people around me.

This weekend was an almost break. I’ll just call it a bend. We bounce back – but damn, it is hard sometimes.

After spending 20 out of the last 29 months housing a human inside my body, I guess it is only natural that I relate the design process to the act of creating a new person.

I won’t go into the whole analogy, but right now for project 3 I definitely feel like we are in the first trimester. When you are in the early stages of pregnancy you don’t know quite what to expect. Also, although you don’t have much to do to keep it going, on the inside  your body is massively changing, growing new organs, both for yourself  and the baby. All this work is exhausting! Every child is different, and how your body reacts to the growing fetus is different too.

So it is that Project 2 is different than Project three. I didn’t get as much morning sickness with the first baby, but the second made me ill all the time. The meeting we had this weekend for Project 3 definitely made me a little queasy. Uncertain of where we are going and whether we will be able to get through everything we need to in time.

Once we get through these initial phases the second trimester of creation and iteration and testing and more iteration will fly by. You’ll barely have enough time to stock up the nursery (or create a presentation and design rationale). And you will wonder how you got it all done.

Eventually we will reach the end of the third trimester – and a bright new design will appear in the world. Of course, that is only when the next phase begins – think of actually producing your design and continuing to iterate and manage the product. It is sort of like staying up at all hours making bottles, changing diapers and soothing the teething child.

The process is amazing and exhausting and completely worth it in the end. You have much to show for it…..

Charlie and Zoe at the Pumpkin Patch

After helping to get our Project 2 done early last week, I have to say that watching the presentations in class and not getting Project 3 assigned until later was a nice reprieve.

Outside of class I took part in off-site meetings regarding 2011 strategic product planning for my full time job. The meetings were mentally exhausting, but I am excited about the outcome and the interesting projects I can look forward to next year.

We had a great time tailgating and watching the Hoosiers this weekend, but now it is on to Project 3. I am anxious to get started into more details on the assignment. I look forward to working with my team members again. I can’t wait to see all of their ideas.

Week 6 will be over before we know it. This class really does go fast.