‘I note the obvious differences
between each sort and type,
but we are more alike, my friends
than we are unalike.’
— Maya Angelou from her poem ‘Human Family’
I chose the above passage because I need to keep reminding myself that I am not that different than everyone around me in class. I have to say that I still feel like the new kid in school. I am older and have different things going on in my life. Sometimes in group meetings I feel like I am not talking the same language as my group members. I get a glazed eyed response, or sort of feel like I am totally not on the same page. And, when I try harder to communicate or understand what they are getting at, I get the impression I am becoming the annoying one. I hate feeling like I don’t fit in, or that I lost my babel fish.
It isn’t just the group meetings either. It is in class, and here at the blog too. I try to respond to comment, but I still feel disconnected. I have been out of an academic setting for a long time.
I tried to participate and give as much as I possible could to make the final rationale the best it could be. I also tried to make sure that everyone felt comfortable contributing to the project. Group work is tough – and part of the grind is getting through those hard brainstorming sessions to come to plan of action to find our design solution. I don’t think I was any more difficult to deal with then the other people in the group, but it isn’t up to me to decide whether my contribution helped or hindered the project. I hope they see my contribution as positive, but if not, then I guess I will just learn from it and try to do something different next time.
I hate the silly insecurities that tag along from experience to experience. I am sure if I was just out of college there would be other insecurities. But, then I would have the time to go out for a beer with my classmates and get to know them better. As of now, I am usually rushing home because if I don’t get home early enough I miss seeing my daughter at all that day. I like getting beer as much as the next person, and I would love to really get to know people in the program.
I don’t mean to whine. I just need to figure out a way to feel more comfortable being a student within the time constraints of being a mother, a wife, and a full-time employee.
Feelings feelings blah blah blah
I feel better when I put them out there though. I am sure many of you are experiencing similar things. We are more alike than different.