Trust in Providence

You know how it feels to dread a specific call all the time? Some days it is worse than others. Some days you don’t even think about it. Then one day it just happens.

That is how it has been with Nadie and his job for this past year. I was always worried he would be calling me to say he was let go. I got the call yesterday.

There are good things about it. I hated seeing him go to work every day when he obviously hated his job. There were a lot of days of walking on egg shells regarding making plans and whether he would have a job. There is something to be said about it just being over with and moving on to something better.

And I know we can make it for a little while at our current place with my income and our savings. I am actually glad that he will be there to stay with the Zerker for a while. And he needs a break. He needs some time to get back into what he really wants to do, rather than just maintaining status quo. We both agree that we don’t want him to just take any job right away, even if it is not a right fit, just to get a job. That will only lead to the same things that have played out over the past few years with his former position.

If we could tweak our lifestyle here and there (which will obviously happen since we lost an income) he might be able to be a stay-at-home-dad for a while. I don’t know what he wants. I think we will just take one day at a time. It so hard to see the person you love struggling. I want him to find the right path, to give him more confidence, and let him shine.

I trust in Providence. It has been the only thing to get me through the entire year of worry. It has been my constant response to Nadie, whenever he expressed his fears of the inevitable. And it will not fail us. No matter what, what really matters is that we are together. We can live with family members if necessary. I don’t think we will. But, if for some reason it came to that, we could do it and we would be ok. There would be good things about it.

I am going to try and get my next appt and Ultrasound moved up a week so that it will occur before the insurance is terminated. We will go on Cobra, but I am sure it will be messy, and I want to make sure that Ultrasound happens. I could go on my work insurance, I know, but the coverage is horrible. In the long run it will save us money paying the Cobra coverage for as long as it is available so we can have that coverage when we have the blobbles. I think they will be ok with me coming in at 19 weeks instead of 20. I hope so. I can see them having an issue because I was just there at 17 weeks. (That appt went great, by the way….)

So here is to new beginnings, and facing fears.