The weekend before last we visited my lovely alma mater. It was dreary outside, but Providence was at work – because lots of people that I really wanted to expose the Zerker to were there….

The E in Zerker comes from a very special person.
One of those people you meet and you are blown away.

When I was a wee one of 18 I visited SMWC. The first teacher I met, the first Sister of Providence I met, the first real person of my beloved college was Ellen.

And over the next four years we formed a wonderful bond.

She became my academic advisor, professor, work study supervisor, and most importantly, friend. You know when you go through that phase and you don’t connect with your parents anymore? She was the one mentor I connected to then that I knew woud love me no matter what. I feel like I learned about unconditional love from her.

And through the years we have maintained that friendship.
Of course, we don’t have the time to sit in her office and wax poetically about my latest college girl frustration, we do keep in touch. She was my ‘Sister Companion’ on my journey to become a Providence Associate.

I cannot express how much it means to me that she has made herself so available to me on this journey. She is the definition of why you designate a namesake.

(oh and this summer…she celebrates her Golden Jubilee…50 years devoted to Providence…amazing….)

Lori says that Perfect Moment Monday is not about creating moments, but noticing them.

Sometimes, though, I can feel these moments being created…not intentionally…or even by me…I did not make the sun shine this weekend…I only saw that it was coming and took advantage of the situation…

So this weekend Nadie and I took the Zerker to Cataract Falls. I love going here because it is simple beauty. It is not part of a large park, and there are only a few things to do there. There is just enough to fill a Saturday afternoon…..

We ate a picnic lunch.

Looked at the big waterfall.

Looked at the Covered Bridge.

Drove down to the lower falls and walked the trail in a loop twice in our new Jogging stroller (I am totally stoked that I got this stroller for $45 at a garage sale).

There were so many beautiful things to look at.

And by that time we were all pooped and ready to go home.

And it was good.

It was an afternoon of perfect moments. Even the time when the Zerker was crying on the way to the car before the walk because she wanted a bottle and had a dirty diaper. Her cries are getting so character-like. You would think she was experiencing a major life crisis whenever she decides that she desperately needs a bottle or changed right this instant….My ‘oh no! mommy must fix it!’ feelings are turning into holding back laughter because she seems so dramatic. Not that I want to hear it for long periods of time…but that doesn’t happen too often.

It is that time again. Time to sit in a circle with our legs crossed and see what our classmates have brought to share.

Children mentioned and sort of pictured.
A few weeks ago a friend pointed out a group of photos someone had on Flickr that were called MSCE or Make Something Cool Everyday.

This idea has been festering in the back of my mind…make something cool…make something cool…
if you read my most recent post, you know that I have been playing with Gimp and Inkscape. Gotta love free software (except that inkscape crashed on me like a gazillion times when making my show and tell picture).

I don’t have the time, being a new momma and a working momma and a fur momma and a wifey momma and all that stuff, to make something cool EVERY day…but maybe I can make something cool every few days…so here is one of my efforts…

I know it is sort of spooky. I love this picture of the Zerker…and I like making it a basis for something abstract…so I like this….if you don’t – s’alright – i still do! The album this is part of is where I will be keeping my MSC stuff…
i also thought maybe MSC would be a cool weekly sharing project with a mr linky and all…but I don’t know if I am committed that much to sharing and there are so many good sharing projects out there…well I am just not sure…what do you all think?

Don’t forget to see what the rest of class is sharing!

I am listening to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ during my commute right now. (I drive to the office three days a week, and it is 45 minutes away…so I ‘read’ my books via my iPod on the way to and from…)
And I know it is so Oprah cliche…but hey, it is making me think, so that is good.

So back to the point…she references how places have a word that defines them, and goes on to say that people have a word that defines them. The word can change with what they are going through, but it should encompass the point of the journey they are on. While she is in Rome she is told by a friend that Rome’s word is ‘Sex.’

So this got me thinking about what my word is right now. My first thought was ‘create,’ but maybe it is ‘kaleidoscope.’

I know that the first year of motherhood can be stressful. I understand that I need to be patient with myself. Over the past few months I have oscillated from deliriously happy to extremely unstable and worried. I know a lot has to do with hormones, but it is also just part of the transition.

I did go back to therapy – because I believe it is my responsibility to work through things rather than just suffering. I will not live like chicken little! The sky is NOT falling!

Still, I do not just wake up one morning and become a different person. It is a process. And at first it was making me kooky, then I suppose I started moving to the next phase. Oh, but I AM becoming a different person. Not entirely someone else…just more than who I was.

I like it.
Actually, I love it.

My job is moving into this new phase where I get to be uber creative. Okay, so it is uber geeky creative – but not in the ‘look-at-this-cool-formula-i-built-in-excel’ or the ‘i-just-spent-35-hours-writing-specs-about-site-security’ or the ‘look-at-my-fancy-SQL-query’…it is a clean slate. It is starting at ground zero and designing something new.
I have spent all of my working life inside a box…a specific platform…going from supporting to training to implementing to managing that platform…but it has always been within that platform. There is creativity there, but mostly creativity with bandaids…doing what we can within the confines of what exists, the path of least resistance…

and now we are making a transition to get away from that box….and it is a paradigm shift for me…but it is fracking cool…

and oh the baby girl…the amazing Zerker…she makes me want to be creative…assuming a new role in life…becoming the momma…means i have to change my view…so if I am changing, I had better know what stays and what goes…

reinvention of self…reclaiming what is me and adding to it…it is awesome.

– I installed Gimp and Inkscape (Free photo editing and illustrating software) and am teaching myself how to use them.
– I played around with scrapblog one weekend (hence the new header for the blog).
– I made a new lanyard for my work ID badge out of girlie ribbon belts.
– I got some cool new shoes (they match my new lanyard – haha).
– I made a notebook by covering the binding of a scrapbook paper tablet with a brown paper bag and am using it to take notes at the office.
– I cut bangs in my hair! I have been thinking about this since december.
– I bought a bass guitar and I am learning to play it so I can play bass when I jam with some friends next month. I am a singer and I have ‘talked’ about getting a bass guitar for ten years. I had guitar lessons in college and used to play in church. My bachelors is in Math and Music…I am not getting any younger. I really want to do it. I think it would be k*ck*ss if I played bass and sang in a band. We will see if the band happens. We WILL jam though, and that will be fun.

All of these mods…I keep feeling like a Kaleidoscope. Like things are switching to a new cool view…they may change again..but I am holding the lense and watching things as they change…it is beautiful.

The lense is my marriage. The lense is my daughter. The lense is my vocation.
And it shifts and it brings different colors. Not everything is easy, but it IS beautiful.

I keep thinking of this song:
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the everchanging view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold
Tapestry – Carole King

And I made this with Gimp….

Hello ICLWers!
This is my first ICLW. It is pretty cool to get to know more bloggers.

As for a little bit about myself and where I am on the journey….

I am married – almost 4 years. I affectionately refer to DH as Nadie.

I have PCOS. We tried to concieve for three years, one of them with medical help before getting PG. I blogged during our TTC time at http://unsimpleprocreation.blogspot.com.

We now have a 3.5 month old little girl. I call her the Zerker. She is freaking amazing.

This blog is about my life unfolding…assuming the role of a mother, loving and caring for my husband, moving into new areas of work, my relationships, spirituality, things i find interesting, basically whatever I feel like…welcome to my world!

Beebles is a nickname some of my friends gave me in college. My email address was bbell for a long time (until I got married and my name changed!) and it was way more fun to say beebles.

I have a post forming in my head about kaleidescopes and the space I am in right now…will try to post by the end of the week.

Now I gotta get to work…

Guess what the Zerker is totally into right now?

Lori says that Perfect Moment Monday is not about creating moments, but noticing them.

It is honoring the sacredness of these days we call life.

This memory of this moment struck me a few weeks ago, and I thought it would be best to write it down and share.

When I was a junior in college two of my friends came to my house for the first few days of spring break. The first night we went out into the field in front of my house and looked up at the stars.

The sky, in all it’s magnificence, was full of twinkling little stars. I never really thought much about it. I mean, I grew up with those twinklers, so why would I think they were especially brilliant.

My friends though, being city-folk, they were amazed, befuddled, in awe, substitute any other word for amazement.

You see, I grew up in a cabin in the forest. It is on a hill in the middle of nowhere, where on a clear night you can see the night sky in its true form. I never thought much about it, I had never lived in a city at that point – even my college was out of the way. And when I visited city lights I was always in awe.

That night I realized that there are very few people that get to live with that brilliance on a daily basis. I need to get back to that brilliance. I need my daughter to know it too. I hope she knows it so well she takes it for granted too. I want nature to be, well, natural for her. No fear of bugs or dirt – just a part of life.

Appreciating what I had been giving all those nights in the 18 years I lived there – and really recognizing/understanding it – that was a perfect moment.

It is that time again.
Children mentioned and pictured.

Today was gorgeous here in Indiana – warm, bright, blue skies with white puffy clouds….and today was the Race for the Cure! We had a great time.

Race for the Cure benefits breast cancer research and treatment. The majority of the funds go to the area doing the benefit. We aren’t quite at our goal, so if you feel like donating to a great cause, there is a link on the right side bar.

We ended up walking in the 1 mile family walk because Nadie was afraid that the Zerker would get too hot in the ergo.baby.carrier for 3.1 miles. They said we couldn’t use strollers on the 5K. So we just walked the one mile. It was very fun. So much that when I suggested we go to an uber expensive restaurant for lunch, and Nadie asked if we won the lottery, I said that I felt like I did – not monetarily, but love-wise – yes – with him and the Zerker….

um…that was kind of rambly…here is a video(i have great transitions)…

(sorry for the shaky camera – I don’t usually walk and tape at the same time and I pretty much suck anyways )

I have decided to embrace this as my year of Pink. I have been against pink for quite some time. I never really gave pink a chance. I thought – ‘Pink is a stereotype for girlie things – and girlie things make you weak – so no pink for me or my baby’…now? not so much. I bought a pair of shoes for me with pink in them. I am learning that Pink can be empowering. And Girls are girlie, but that doesn’t make them weak! I can be girlie too….and I can still be strong.

After the walk the Zerker was very tired!

We went to Shapiro’s Deli for some yummy food. I have dreams about their tangy german potato salad….

Go see what the rest of the class is sharing!

Delainey Marie was born at 1am on April 14, 2009. She was at 26 weeks one day gestational age. They were able to get two steroid injections to help her lungs to develop before delivery.

She is tiny at 1lb 12 ozs. She is already off of the respirator, but still on the CPAP. She is breathing room air.

We present to you – the Zerker’s first BFF, the God Daughter of Nadie and I….

Delainey Marie….

Keep the prayers coming.

We have been waiting for this little girl, so anxious for the Zerker to meet her. We hope they become bestest of friends. They announced their pregnancy on Christmas eve and Nadie kept going on and on about how it better be a girl! Zerker’s BFF is what we have called her since we found out she was a girl.

Being part of the ALI community helped prepare me for what to expect in this situation, but I know that my brother and SIL have a long road ahead of them. They are being very strong and I am proud of them. July seems like eons from now – but that is when we should expect to even think about bringing her home. Every day is precious….

We love you, Delainey! We can’t wait to play with you!