Children mentioned…

I know this is a day late, but I was two days late on the Show and Tell…so I am catching up!

I really like Perfect Moment Monday because it is about recognizing the good in our lives, the blessings we have been given. So many times we can move from one thing to another and really not sit back and realize how much we have been given…how many perfect moments we have…

My perfect moment happened yesterday morning. On the days that I go into the office Nadie takes the Zerker to the fabulous caregiver. I pick her up. When he loads her into the car I have been tapping on the window to say goodbye. In her first months she would sit there oblivious, hearing the sound but not understanding that it came from someplace and that was right outside the door.

That changed yesterday. I tapped on the window. I tapped again. And to my surprise the little beauty turned her head and then saw Momma acting like a fool outside the window. It was perfect.

When I picked her up I did it again and she looked again. I also tapped from the driver’s side window and saw her get a big smile and look wildly around her to try and figure out where the sound is coming from. She never saw me (I am not sure what her vision range is these days) but just the wonder of her looking and laughing was enough to warm my heart.

It is no small thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us. Charles Dickens.

Now go find other perfect moments with Lori at Weebles Wobble and try to acknowledge the perfect moments of your own!

Better late than never….I have been wanting to take part in Mel’s Show and Tell for a while and I finally thought of something!

This past Saturday was Ring Day at SMWC. I left pieces of my heart at the woods. The Woods Ring is symbol of the bond between all of the women, from generation to generation that have been educated at Saint Mary of the Woods.

I found a post of the Ring Song on youtube from Saturday:

The Ring Song is an amalgamation of Tara’s Theme, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening and The Bells of Saint Mary’s. It might sound strange to non-woodsies (that is what students from the woods are called) but it pulls at the heart strings of all Woodsies….It is sang at every wedding and every major event at the woods.
The ring is lovely, dark and deep….it is gold (and now I hear white gold is optional) and onyx with an SMW emblem.

My ring is tattered (NOT PICTURED ABOVE), it is loved, it is a connection to the people who helped me become me…it is a connection forever to anyone I meet that also wears the ring…
We also joke that it is a symbol of the guiding forces of the world…er… providence…

Ah….but we jest!

To all my woodsies out there – Be strong! Wear your ring with pride!

The Ring Song

Whose Woods these are, I think I know.
Her love will always be with us below.
Her ring we take, of us a part,
Encircling fingers young ’round her heart.
I pledge to her, a ring to keep,
Like Woods is lovely, dark and deep.
And I have promises and miles to go.
And I have promises and miles to go.

The bells of Saint Mary’s I hear they are calling,
The young loves, the true loves that come from the sea.
And so my beloved, when red leaves are falling,
the love bells shall ring out, ring out for you and me.

Mommy Insomnia

Is there such a thing as mom-insomnia? If so, I think I have it. The zerker is sleeping pretty solidly from 9:30pm-ish to 5:30-6:30am-ish, I on the otherhand am waking up pretty much every hour. I know it is part fallout from waking up with her over the past three months and part from constantly feeling the need to make sure she is breathing, but it is going to have to give soon enough. I am sleeping, it is just not good sleep, and I wake up feeling tired still.

I haven’t been working out like I should either. It is really hard to find a good time to get to the gym. I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with the caretakers there, since we did that once and the caretaker consisted of one teenager standing in the midst of 15 screaming kids of all ages. Let’s just say it was very hard for me to make it through the 25 minute walk on the treadmill watching the girl carry the zerker around admist chaos. I think it would have been fine if she had left her in the carrier. I am sure she thought ‘Oohh! Cute baby! I must hold!’, but um…it scared me.

So I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can go to the park and walk in the mornings with Nadie, the Zerker and the dogs. The dogs will definitely appreciate it. The winter is so tough for them because they don’t get near the excercise they need. Me too dogs, me too…. (notice adorable rainbow baby legs and fact that dog becomes baby couch…)

Fear and Loathing in My Head

And then I have this underlying sense of dread/unsteadiness/insecurity at the pit of my stomach. It isn’t about anything in particular. We are doing ok, jobs, house, baby…all is fine and if it isn’t i know we will get through whatever…so that isn’t the stress….it is bigger than that (if that is possible)…like a weight above me…I feel like chicken little and the sky is falling. When I get like this I end up muttering negative things about myself under my breath. And then I forcibly stop myself and mutter positive things to myself and look like a crazy lady. I already have the random hairs from PCOS, so I could be approaching the crazy bearded lady that pushes a cart down the street in a mumu.

At 4am this morning I thought three things…1. I need to work out. 2. I need to consider seeing that therapist again. 3. Maybe I would benefit from medication. It isn’t affecting my job or my marriage or my kid, but I don’t want to risk it. And, it is affecting my quality of life. And, I am so blessed…I really want to enjoy my blessings to the fullest. Ugh.

Bracketology.

If Michigan State beats Louisville (they are playing right now) I could win my work pool. Nifty. I only picked Michigan State because: they were seeded No. 2, I didn’t want to put all the no.1 seeds in the final four, and they are a Big Ten School. Go Spartans.

Elipses…

If you are regular reader of my blog you know that I love the elipse…well you might not have thought about it…but I do….and sometimes I will add an extra period in for good measure…

Zerker Update
This week Zerker was especially cute (well, she always is…but I am biased….) She has really started noticing her hands, so I went and got some dangling rings and a gym to over her. She already had one at her caregiver’s house, but we didn’t have one at home. She started with swatting and has already progressed to grabbing and pulling. I am so proud of her.

Also, the zerker is fantabulous about sleeping. I still really haven’t put her on a schedule. I just listen for her cues. She definitely gives the cues and is content to be put in her carrier with a pacifier and her blanket where she soothes herself to sleep.

She is such a smiley happy baby. I am so amazed by her. We went to a baby shower this weekend for one of my college friends(It was GREAT to see everyone and I am so excited for the newbie on its way!) and she was happy to be passed along…as long as the people passing didn’t mind a little spitup here and there…

Oh the little monkey….:)

PS notice that I changed my blogger profile name and picture…if you are used to me commenting on your blogs I will show up as beebles now….it is a nickname from college…

in Just-
by e e cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it’s
spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it’s
spring
and

the

goat-footed

balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee

Child mentioned…..

I have never done this before, so bare with me if I do it wrong. Sorry!

The perfect moment that I want to discuss was a collection of moments last wednesday. Last Wednesday was the first day that I felt completely productive working from home since I returned from maternity leave. I work from home with my little zerker two days a week. For the first two weeks it felt like I just couldn’t focus. I think it had to do with being home for two months and not associating what I do at home with what I do at work. I was used to watching Ellen at 11am, not being on a conference call! And how could I do research online when there are so many blogs to keep up with! I was starting to get worried – because I really want to be productive when I am at home so I do not loose the opportunity to do it…if I am not productive then I would have to admit that I needed to be in the office and loose the privilege…

I had been working on a specifications document for a few weeks and it was the first day when I finally felt like it clicked…that I was able to focus on what I get paid to do. And what made it even more perfect was that my little girl was there cooing and babbling and sleeping the whole time.
It helped me to feel more like myself, or more like my old self pre-zerker…but that isn’t quite right either…it helped me feel more like this new person I am becoming. This new person that does all sorts of cool things and gets to share it with the coolest little person she has ever met and her wonderful husband…
I never realized I had formed opinions about what a mommy was. We wanted a child so badly, but we were so focused on getting pregnant that I didn’t think a lot about what having a kid would do to my sense of self. And then when we finally got pregnant, I started really thinking about it. It was hard for me to see myself as a mommy…

Now I see myself as a mommy, but not as my stereotype of a mommy. I see myself as the mother I really am…and i think it is k*ck*ss. (not so mommy-like talk there….lol)

and it includes someone who writes k*ck*ss technical specifications while changing diapers and making a baby babble and coo…

and that was my perfect moment…

I know my sense of self will continue to change, and that I will sometimes be overwhelmed with all there is in the world, as long as I get a few smiles and giggles, I think I will be alright.

I think about blog posts that I don’t end up writing.
Most of the time I use this as a place to keep track of what is going on around my life. I rarely write about my insecurities or things that don’t paint things as sunny and bright.
And, that probably won’t change too much…some of the things I could say I hardly want to admit to myself, let alone the world…and then if I said it I would wonder if that made it more true…

like marriage for instance….it is hard, but totally worth it…so every day is not perfect and right now is a pretty stressful time, well with the economy, and job worries, and the new baby and all the day-to-day stuff….and most of the time nadie and i are great, but there are times when it gets rough…for both of us, and it doesn’t mean we aren’t great – it is just real- that is all…

and my insecurities…god i wish i would outgrow them…i usually outsmart them, or just let them pass…but they are hard….they make me a crank to deal with – some days walking on eggshells somedays easy going…i know it is probably normal…and i don’t want to take some pill to become less emotional – although i know many people are helped greatly by taking medications – i just know that for me it isn’t necessary right now…if i reached that stage I would consider it…well anyways that is not where i am…i am alright – just being me…:)

Everything I do
Surrounds these pieces of my life
That always change
Or hey, maybe I’ve changed

Sometimes being happy
Can be self-destructive
Even when you’re sane
Yeah you’re only insane

have a great week, y’all!

Tonight one of my favorite TV shows of all time ends…the newer version of Battlestar Galactica. Nadie and I have enjoyed it since the second season. That is when I convinced him before it started to purchase the first season on DVD. Then we did a marathon weekend of learning about the Cylon/Human war and the search for a new place for humans to live.
If you don’t watch it, try it out via netflix or something. It is so much more than a sci-fi tv show. It is a mix of mythology/theology/sci-fi/romance/etc.

After tonight the only thing that will come is re-runs and maybe a mini-series, spin-off, or movie – I have no idea if any of these will happen, but a girl can hope, can’t she?

I ate ramen noodles today for the first time in ten years. I now remember why I haven’t eaten ramen noodles in ten years.

This week was great. I finally feel like I am really getting back into work. I was able to dig in and work really well both work from home days with the Zerker. She was not worse for the wear (except I did forget to nurse the second time on the day when I was working 12 hours to get a document done….oops).

After taking several videos, this is my favorite…Zerker loves her blankey…she puts herself to sleep with it every night….

And Nana…here is a few pictures of the zerker wearing the 0-3 month outfit you sent from FL….too cute!

I purchased lawn tickets to DMB 08.01 this morning….so.excited……

I am VERY irish. Both of my parents were mostly from Ireland, with a few Italian exceptions here and there…..
So Happy St. Patricks Day!
We celebrated with Bangers and Mash because I forgot to buy Corned Beef. Nadie doesn’t really like corned beef anyways…so this was a nice switchup.

I also forgot to dress the Zerker in her cute St. Patty’s Outfit I bought a month ago. I put it on her tonight and took some pictures. Without further ado….

Ha Ha Mom! I don’t want a beer!

You could give me a green bottle….

When Irish eyes are smiling…it’s like a morn in spring…

I’ll give Darby O’Gill a run for his money!

Where was that pot o’gold?

My Guiness, My Goodness!

Come on and kiss me, I’m Irish!

I know the captions are cheesy…:)
Happy St. Patricks Day! Luck of the Irish to you!

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And, until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.