So yesterday morning I started to write this long dreadful post about how I was freaking out of breast feeding. After a two hour attempt on Monday evening of getting the Zerker to latch I had resorted to giving her formula to sustain her.
Then yesterday afternoon I had an appt with the Lactation consultant. She gave me some nipple shields and it ahs been a lifesaver. Now I really need a pump (which we are picking up tomorrow) so that I can make sure my breasts are getting completely unloaded each time, because little Z doesn’t seem to eat as much sometimes and I don’t want to lose the progress in supply that I have made. The manual pumping is not working.
The night I gave her the bottle I think I cried more than she did. (not during the latching attempts – I was maintaining calm for the little chica at that time) but in feeling like a failure and frustrated that I would miss out of on the awesome experience of nursing her directly from the breast. I didn’t expect to enjoy that so much before she was born. Now I don’t want to miss out on it.
DH is wonderful. Right now I think he is getting a little stir crazy and I realized today that I needed to chill out on being demanding to him. He really is amazing – and so caring…he would do anything for the Zerker and me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky finding him.
And now I KNOW my hormones are about to put the crazy on. Being close to tears at various times because of little things – knowing it is only hormones but having little control over it…I haven’t broken down and I will keep an eye on it. It isn’t about the Zerker at all – just feels to me like I do when I am PMSing.
I need to wake up Zerker to make her eat. My milk makers are telling me that she HAS TO EAT.
Breast shields saved me! One nurse at the hospital gave me one but told me to throw it away the moment I got home. I didn’t. Sometimes she would eat without it but I almost always had to use it on my right side (the problem side at that time). By six weeks or so, we weren’t using them anymore and everything has been great – but they were wonderful to get us started. AND, it prevented me from having sore nipples because she had learned to properly latch by the time we quit using them.
I’m sure you are doing fantastic! Everyone I know that has breastfed has gone through the process of getting into a rythm that works for mom and baby. Just be good to yourself. I’m sure you are rockin it!
Oh, and let me know when you are ready for an Auntie Erika invasion!!
These are the completely rewarding yet extremely tiresome and just plain hard times. Go easy on yourself. Zerker is here and you will not fail her. Thinking that you will demonstrates your ability to do what it takes to get the job done in a loving environment. Hang on for the ride of a lifetime
I was unprepared for all of the emotions of breastfeeding. I had to use a nipple shield and Luke never really latched on without it, but it was ok. I still breastfed for 6 months (pumping exclusively after 3 months). Keep going – you are doing great!!
I’ve been thinking about you.
I had so much guilt over breastfeeding at the beginning. I felt like a huge failure because it didn’t come easy. Wasn’t it supposed to be natural?
It is hard. Very hard. Be gentle with yourself. Remember to take care of you. It will get better.