Today the Zerker is christened. My brother is in town from DC to be the God Father. (He is actually my godfather too!) And, my sister will be the god mother.

I am not going to tell you that these days are easy…:) Ugh! Sometimes I am pushed to the point of frustration, but it only seems to happen between 3 and 4am, other than that I am cool. It is also a tough time for DH – who really has no previous experience with babies – and doesn’t quite understand that it is normal to not always know what she wants and to not always be able to get her to sleep at 4am right away.

She turned three weeks yesterday! She was pronounced healthy at her doc appt on Thursday, where she weighed 7lbs 14 ozs (almost a pound up from her birth weight).

I do feel like she and I are bonding more every day. I swear she would talk to me if she could, her eyes just look like they are trying to tell me something. My milk does not seem to be doing that well despite fenugreek and attempting to pump. I know I don’t pump as often as I should – it is really hard to find the time after supplementing and trying to get her back to sleep or not crying. She is not one of those perfectly content babies that never cries. Sometimes she is quiet and attentive and looking back with that soulful expression. And I DO think she smiles sometimes. I don’t care if other people call it gas…

Everyday that goes by I get closer to going back to work. Ugh. Trying not to think about it….

I did get a bonus this week from work! Woo hoo! It meant that DH agreed that I could order the er.go.baby.car.rier! Yay! We have been waiting and trying to save as much as possible in this economic climate.

In honor of the Zerker’s baptism – some talking heads…

This post is sort of long…sorry. I started it a few days ago and it seems to have a mind of its own….

Things are going well. I am very tired, as you might have noticed in that last post.
I (and the Lactation Consultant) think I have low supply.
Zoe has been doing marathon nursing sessions this week. I just can’t seem to satiate her. Most likely because Strike 1 PCOS, Strike 2 Nipple shield, Strike 3 C-Section.

By marathon I mean that she would be feeding for an hour, sometimes and hour and a half. And then it would seem like within the hour she would want more food. I was having trouble finding time and energy to pump on that schedule. I know it is pretty normal for a newborn to be cyclical…eat, poop, sleep, eat poop, sleep…wash, rinse, repeat…but this week she was more like eeeeeaaaaaat, poop, sleep, eeeeeaaat, poop, sleep….

I went to the LC today. She helped me with better latching technique. Hopefully I can wean the nipple shield at least on one side. I was able to latch without it when I came home. I am not totally against the nipple shield forever (I like saying ‘Activate the Lactaction Shields’ when I use it) …just willing to try anything to get her more food.

She IS getting enough though. She weighed in at 7lbs7ozs. She has gained a half pound over her birth weight in two weeks. Yay! That makes me happy.

Yesterday I ventured out into the world for something other than a doctors appointment. I went to my sister’s for a short visit (where I proceeded to leave my lump sum short term disability check and not realize it was gone until today – can we say ‘too tired to think straight??’) and then to visit my co-workers. The Zerker was perfect at work – sleeping the whole time. On the way home I got seriously concerned that I was way too tired to be driving. I made it home ok, but I really need to get better at gauging it. I am not used to these hours or the breastfeeding and I guess I don’t realize the toll that it takes on me until it just hits me and I can’t do anymore. Needless to say when we got home and I fed her again I went to sleep and then slept for more hours later when DH got home. We have begun using the supplementer to finger feed her so that she can still suck but not get over fed. DH can do that, and it gives him a chance to get involved.

This morning I felt completely refreshed because I did get several hours of sleep.
I went to the LC today. After a normal feeding session timeframe Zerker had only recieved about an ounce of milk. She has advised the following process: nurse on both sides for up to 15 minutes each, then supplement with an extra ounce by finger feeding and then pump for fifteen minutes…sounds familiar…nurse, supplement, pump…wash, rinse, repeat…I am also supposed to start taking fenu.greek and ask my ob for a rx of reg.lan.

She doesn’t take the bottle nipple well at all. It comes out too fast, then she spits it all back up. In two weeks I will work toward getting her to take a bottle better. I didn’t even know there were such things as ‘slow flow’ or ‘medium flow’ or ‘fast flow’ bottle nipples. It isn’t something people discuss, they should make onesies that say ‘I like fast nipples’ on them.

I am so glad it is the weekend. DH is home. I have missed him a lot. I am pretty sure I could never be a housewife. It just isn’t my game. I don’t think I would be a very good housewife/SAHM housekeeping wise either. Of course, when you spend every other hour nursing and the other hours changing diapers and such, you can’t get much else done. Also, just miss the company of my DH.

These weeks are flying by. I wish time could slow down. It is wonderful to have her here every day. I know this post sounds like whining. I promise I don’t mind any of these problems. I don’t mind the no sleeping. Every coo, and every cry is totally worth it. If time would slow down then my bits and pieces of sleep would last longer too!

I mean how could you not just love this person?

Even if sometimes she is this person:

And sort of turns me into this person:

If breastfeeding or boob talk bothers you – then do not read this post. Personally I am beginning to think that breastfeeding is one of the most amazing and natural things on the planet!

So the first week is over. It went pretty well. I think we are handling being newbie parents really well. The nipple shields are helping out tremendously and I am now the proud owner of a Med.ela Pum.p N St.yle. So I am totally styling with these big suction cups attached to my breasts a few times a day.
Zoe had a doctor appt on Thursday. I guess they have breastfeeding babies go in during the first week to monitor their weight. You know what the amazing thing was??? From tuesday to thursday she gained 5.5 ounces! Now that is what I call Nipple Shield Magic!
Pumping is going ok. I don’t seem to get more than an ounce at a time with the pump. I am not sure how long I am actually supposed to pump? I figure the amount will increase as my supply increases. Should I be worried? I am going to see the LC again this coming week, so hopefully I will be a bit more confident.

I am not worried about Zoe just yet though. There seems to be plenty of supply when she is nursing. If anything she doesn’t take in the whole breast supply at the time (not that a breast can ever be empty). I have taken to just giving her one breast at a time because it seems to satisfy her and then from what I have read she gets more ‘hind milk’.

I am now the owner of squirting boobs in the morning. Zoe eats about every two to three hours throughout the day. I am not one to set a schedule, I just sort of take her cues. There are times when I have tried to keep her up or I woke her up because I wanted to feed her later or felt like she needed to eat (or my breasts told me she needed to eat). It doesn’t really work that well anyways – I mean she is always up for eating at first, but if she isn’t hungry she eventually just stops suckling and just snuggles…and if she is tired she is going to sleep whether I try to keep her up or not – she will just be more grouchy on the way.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got the Nikon. It is amazing! I almost feel like I won’t need to get formal pictures taken – because I can do the settings myself – it is SOOO COOL. I might invest in another flash for it, but I need to research it first. Speaking of the Nikon – I did a little photog session yesterday and this result (I used the ‘old movie’ feature in Mo.vie.Mak.er – the pictures are actually much crisper than what you see)…

So I think I mentioned back when we were getting the nursery ready that instead of buying a crib set we were having a quilt made out of mary engelbreit fabric. I had been searching Etsy for different quilts and then decided that it would be better to have one made. Then of my co-workers suggested another person we will call her Maria…Maria is a friend and retired former co-worker. She totally was up for making the quilt for us. She took the ME fabric, she and I shopped for the rest of the fabric and the backing and she did all the hard work. I have never quilted in my life. She is awesome at it. She made the quilt as a gift for Zoe. Isn’t that great? I have found in the past week that the blankets that were made for her are so EXTRA Special. Another co-worker crocheted a blanket for her and one of my aunts made her a blanket too. They are snuggly and cute. I wish I had the patience to make those wonderful things! Guess what came in the mail today? Zoe’s Quilt! Here are some pictures of the quilt.

I have another post brewing about my personal highlights so far.

So yesterday morning I started to write this long dreadful post about how I was freaking out of breast feeding. After a two hour attempt on Monday evening of getting the Zerker to latch I had resorted to giving her formula to sustain her.

Then yesterday afternoon I had an appt with the Lactation consultant. She gave me some nipple shields and it ahs been a lifesaver. Now I really need a pump (which we are picking up tomorrow) so that I can make sure my breasts are getting completely unloaded each time, because little Z doesn’t seem to eat as much sometimes and I don’t want to lose the progress in supply that I have made. The manual pumping is not working.

The night I gave her the bottle I think I cried more than she did. (not during the latching attempts – I was maintaining calm for the little chica at that time) but in feeling like a failure and frustrated that I would miss out of on the awesome experience of nursing her directly from the breast. I didn’t expect to enjoy that so much before she was born. Now I don’t want to miss out on it.

DH is wonderful. Right now I think he is getting a little stir crazy and I realized today that I needed to chill out on being demanding to him. He really is amazing – and so caring…he would do anything for the Zerker and me. I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky finding him.

And now I KNOW my hormones are about to put the crazy on. Being close to tears at various times because of little things – knowing it is only hormones but having little control over it…I haven’t broken down and I will keep an eye on it. It isn’t about the Zerker at all – just feels to me like I do when I am PMSing.

I need to wake up Zerker to make her eat. My milk makers are telling me that she HAS TO EAT.

A little treat regarding our recent additions. Her initials spell ZERK, so she will be deemd the Zerker. Introducing my little glow worm….:)

First and foremost – this is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen…

The past few days have been a whirlwind.
I went in for the induction on Thursday evening. My water broke on its own before midnight that night and I had steady contractions on my own with only the one cytotec application. I had some nubain and low grade narcotics throughout the evening to get me through the first few centimeters of dialation. By 4:30am I was dialated to 4cm, but I chose to wait until 7am for the epidural.

They started pitocen at low levels and I got my epidural. I continued on with the intention of a vaginal delivery.

That isn’t what ended up happening.

At around 11am my nurse went to change my IV and she couldn’t get it to flow into my hand. Something was wrong with it (from what I could tell after the next few moments she did not do what she was supposed to do by flushing it or something…) The next thing I new she was having troubling finding the baby’s heartbeat on the monitor, her supervisor called in a bunch of other nurses, they stuck me under oxygen, threw in on my side and started doing something to my cervix. Needless to say I was freaked out. I had no idea what was going on. Praying the hail mary over and over again while they were workign away. Then something came to me about what they were doing. They were putting an internal monitor on Z. Nothing was wrong with her. She probably just moved in a way that the nurse couldn’t reach. I balled for a few minutes just getting over the scarieness of that situation.

So that was around 11am, at that time I was dialated to 8cm. When they inserted the monitor they had to stop the pitcoen. When they re-started it they coulnd’t start it at the same level as before because it could cause strain on the baby.
It took some time to get my contractions back to the regularity they had been coming at. Over the next hour or so I dialated to about 9.5 cm. There was a problem though…she was still to far up and my doctor didn’t think my pelvis was going to be wide enough to fit her,

He gave us 3 hours to see what happened. Within the next three hours nothing really changed. She wasn’t going to fit. And I have BIG hips – so evidenty a big butt does not mean you have child bearing hips!

At 3:30pm it was decided that I was going to have a c-section.
C-section began at 4pm.
Zoe Ellen Ruth Kyle was delivered at 4:18pm EST.

Weighing in at a mere 6 lbs 15 ozs – 19 inches long…

Hearing her cry right after she came out was probably the most beautiful and relieving sound I have ever heard. Hearing my husband gasp ‘She is beautiful’ was so amazing, I can’t really explain.

All fingers and toes accounted for. Beautiful color. Really Big Feet.

Breastfeeding is going well so far. I will write more later. It is a very emotional time – adjusting my outlook on life…being so blessed…

I saw my doctor yesterday. I am still surprised at his gentleness compared to the other doctors. He didn’t measure my belly or poke me until it hurt – I guess the other two weren’t that familiar with me. He checked my cervix and there was no more progress in the dialation. So…..

da da da-da

I am scheduled for an induction beginning tomorrow (Thursday) evening.
I am supposed to go in at 7:30 pm to begin cytotec application for softening of the cervix. Then I suppose we will see where it goes.
I have heard that for some, that is all it takes to get things started. That would be cool – since I have heard pitocen can cause some crazy pain…like labor isn’t crazy pain anyways…I guess women who have experienced both natural and induced would be able to explain the difference – but it seems to me like every birth is different so it would be hard to completely contribute it to the drug.

They won’t break my water until sometime on Friday. I assume she will be here on Friday.

So her birthday will probably be 01/09/2009. Not bad. I had been hoping for an even date, but this one has a ring to it.

I put her birth date into a numerology calculator and this is what it said….

9 January 2009
Your date of conception was on or about 18 April 2008 which was a Friday.

You were born on a Friday
under the astrological sign Capricorn.
Your Life path number is 3.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Love always and deeply.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 2, 5 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 7, 8 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2454840.5.
The golden number for 2009 is 15.
The epact number for 2009 is 3.
The year 2009 is not a leap year.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Goose; your plant is Bramble.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Famenoth, the third month of the season of Poret (Emergence – Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 Tevet 5769.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 14 Tevet 5769.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.19.15.17.16 which is
12 baktun 19 katun 15 tun 17 uinal 16 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Friday, 12 Muharram 1430 (1430-1-12).

Celebrities who share your birthday:
A.J. McLean (1978) Dave Matthews (1967) Crystal Gayle (1951)
Jimmy Page (1944) Joan Baez (1941) Susannah York (1941)
Bob Denver (1935) Richard Nixon (1913) Gracie Fields (1898)

Your lucky day is Saturday.
Your lucky number is 8.
Your ruling planet(s) is Saturn & Uranus.
Your lucky dates are 8th, 17th, 26th.
Your opposition sign is Cancer.
Your opposition number(s) is 2 & 7.

There are 2 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 0 candles.

Those 0 candles produce 0 BTUs,
or 0 calories of heat (that’s only 0.0000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 0.00 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Garnet

The Mystical properties of Garnet

Garnet is used as a power stone
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Emerald, Rose Quartz

Your birth tree is

Fir Tree, the Mysterious
Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.