I awoke crying this morning. I am not crying for myself. I know eventually things will work out. I just feel so sorry for the little one. It really tried. It did the best it could. And now, if we can’t see it by Friday it will not live anymore.

What could this child have grown to become? Perhaps a nobel prize winning physist – solving the worlds energy problems (my husband has been planning to start our children on math before they talk). Perhaps a great novelist or musican. Or most importantly, a kind and loving individual who wishes to help their fellow human beings.

I just feel so sad for it. I wish I could pick it up and move it to the right place. Give it a little push and make it all better. And I know it is not possible. I know the reality is that even if I didn’t take a shot, the little one would not live. It would never survive in the wrong place. And it would take me with it. I just wish I could see it for a second, tell it that it was wanted, that it was loved.

My beta today was 857. That is more than doubled from Monday.
If it is up to 1500+ and we do not see it in my uterus on Friday then I will proceed with the shot.

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5 comments on “unfound
  1. Fertilized says:

    i wish it were easier than this. I am so sorry for your hub and you. This has gone on so long. I wish there was something I could say to make it brighter

  2. Jen says:

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

    I understand the wish to see it, even for a second. At times, I think I’m lucky for not having to see on the u/s the two maybe babies and then others, I just wish I could have seen what could have been.

    I’m wishing you all the best and hoping that Friday gives you an unexpected surprise.

  3. Katie says:

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is never easy going through any miscarriage, let alone an ectopic. I will be thinking of your and your husband. If you have any questions regarding the shot from someone who has been there, let me know.

  4. Heather says:

    I wish we just had a little light on the side of our hips that was green or red depending. I wish it was clear cut. I wish I had the answer for you. I’m sorry that you are still waiting for an answer.

    I’m thinking of you.

  5. Katie says:

    I am so, so sorry.

    This is unfair and it sucks so much.

    I will pray for a miracle.