I had a thought on my way home this morning.
Most of the time, in my life, things have come easy to me. Things that other people might call really hard, like term papers and math tests – I can do those – no sweat. I can sing a song to thousands of people – no big deal.
All these things might be hard for a lot of people – and they do not really phase me that much. I don’t mean that I don’t have to work at stuff (especially the work stuff – time cures a lot of things), but I am just saying that it may not of been as hard for me as some people.
I guess what I mean is that I know in a lot of ways, I know I have led a very blessed life. Some things do come easier to me than they do to other people. Except for this one thing….
We have been trying for two years to have a child. I think I have tried harder to succeed at this than I did through my entire journey to a Mathematics degree. I have had to modify my entire lifestype (not with entire success) and still we are not getting the grade we hope for.
I am not used to that. I don’t mean to say I am spoiled. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my hand, and my daddy is still a retired truck driver with nine children – but as far as having the ability to achieve or do something – I have never had to work this hard.
I kind of got an “A” a month ago or so…and then someone said I was cheating or something and I toatally failed. I am not used to failure. Every month that goes by without a pregnancy seems like a failure to me. And maybe I take it harder because I am not used to failure.
OK – I won’t annoy you anymore with my ‘Woe is my spoiled brat’ whining – and I will continue to work as hard as I can – I just needed to vent.